Problems ...

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I have a problem with dontopedalogy; I open my mouth and promptly put my foot in it. It is also known as “foot in the mouth disease”.
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Happiness

Happiness is a positive cash flow!

Whisky

First I drank water without whisky

Then I drank whisky with water

Later I drank whisky without water

And now, I drink whisky as water

What if you live your life backwards?

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“In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. 

You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!”   

                                           Woody Allen

But what if it was a blow-job, then all this would not have happened – you would not have existed. 

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Heaven and hell revised

HEAVEN is where:

The police are British

The chefs Italian

The mechanics are German

The lovers are French

   and it's all organised by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German

The chefs are British

The mechanics are French

The lovers are Swiss

   and it's all organised by the Italians!!

Be careful out there

A little brown dog was running across the freight yard, crossing all the railroad tracks until a switch engine nipped off the end of his tail between wheel and rail. The little dog yelped, and he spun so quickly to check himself out that the next wheel chopped through his little brown neck.

The moral is; of course, never lose your head over a piece of tail.

   

  

Flaming on the Internet

I have with interest observed how some people behave in newsgroups and when they send e‑mail. John C. Dvorak mentioned that these people just surfed from group to group in order to spread venom. They use a language that never would have occurred in a letter or a conversation.

All parents will remember how their children went through a stage when the big interest was wee‑wee and ba-ba. The professionals will characterize this as “The anal stage”. Most children will outgrow this at the age of 4 or 5. When I participate in some newsgroups or read e-mail I have received, I can only conclude that some Internet-surfers have never left that stage.

Next time you observe one of these crap-throwers, you can calmly state the fact: “He is still not past the anal stage”.