Whisky

First I drank water without whisky

Then I drank whisky with water

Later I drank whisky without water

And now, I drink whisky as water

What if you live your life backwards?

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“In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. 

You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!”   

                                           Woody Allen

But what if it was a blow-job, then all this would not have happened – you would not have existed. 

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Heaven and hell revised

HEAVEN is where:

The police are British

The chefs Italian

The mechanics are German

The lovers are French

   and it's all organised by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German

The chefs are British

The mechanics are French

The lovers are Swiss

   and it's all organised by the Italians!!

Be careful out there

A little brown dog was running across the freight yard, crossing all the railroad tracks until a switch engine nipped off the end of his tail between wheel and rail. The little dog yelped, and he spun so quickly to check himself out that the next wheel chopped through his little brown neck.

The moral is; of course, never lose your head over a piece of tail.

   

  

Flaming on the Internet

I have with interest observed how some people behave in newsgroups and when they send e‑mail. John C. Dvorak mentioned that these people just surfed from group to group in order to spread venom. They use a language that never would have occurred in a letter or a conversation.

All parents will remember how their children went through a stage when the big interest was wee‑wee and ba-ba. The professionals will characterize this as “The anal stage”. Most children will outgrow this at the age of 4 or 5. When I participate in some newsgroups or read e-mail I have received, I can only conclude that some Internet-surfers have never left that stage.

Next time you observe one of these crap-throwers, you can calmly state the fact: “He is still not past the anal stage”.

The slatted (lamellar) swimming pool cover from VR Production does not work

The automatic pool cover produced by VR Production (A.P.F Annonay Productions France) and sold by the Norwegian dealer Basseng AS has had major problems from the very beginning; it has stopped, broken down, failed to start, jammed — basically, it does not work. Basseng AS's slatted (lamellar) pool cover is now defective and cannot be used at all. 

Five years ago, I invested in a slatted swimming pool cover from VR Production (dealer in Norway: Basseng AS). It was a stupid idea. Their brochures are gorgeous, and because my old automatic cover, which had served me well for more than twenty years, began to show wear and tear, I invested nearly fifty thousand Norwegian kroner (EUR 6 000) in this slatted cover. The first problem arose when it was discovered that the installation instructions were in French. After a little pestering on my part, the supplier sent me an edition partially in Norwegian — I got the rest translated by an acquaintance who knows French.

We enjoyed the safety cover over our pool for one entire summer, but the following year it stopped working. I measured the voltage and concluded that the motor was not getting any power from the control box, and after negotiating with the supplier, I returned the box, which was forwarded to the manufacturer in France. Eventually the box was returned to me, and I reinstalled it. We then enjoyed the safety cover over our pool for another entire summer, but the following year it stopped working. Once again, the problem was an error in the power supply, and I stopped using the control box altogether and went over to running the motor from a battery (in consultation with the supplier).

This worked somewhat satisfactorily; I would charge the battery in the garage at night and operate the pool cover during the daytime—until the motor stopped working. The Norwegian company Basseng AS does not have the needed technical competence, so all questions had to be translated into French and sent to the manufacturer, and then the replies had to be translated back into Norwegian. All parts have to be sent to France for repair or replacement. All this takes a very long time. After opening the motor casing, I found traces of corrosion; it is obvious that the French manufacturer has used the cheapest possible components.

The conclusion is that in the course of five summer seasons, the pool cover has functioned properly only two out of five years. This product cannot actually be called a safety cover. First of all, the pool is without a cover during major portions of the season; secondly, it is absolutely incredible how much extra work and frustration this slatted pool cover has caused me in comparison with the cover I owned previously. So, attractive brochures are of no help.

 The picture clearly shows corrosion on the electrical contacts.

I have learned something from this adventure. The next time I buy equipment for my swimming pool, I intend to ensure that:

• The dealer has the basic technical expertise pertaining to the product he sells.
• It is possible to get the necessary service if something should go wrong.

In retrospect, I can't remember ever buying a technical product from a dealer who had so little knowledge about the product he sells.
 
Norsk utgave - Norwegian version

Passports can be a pain

A couple of months ago, I travelled out of New Dehli, India. My wife and I had checked in, received our boarding cards and were on our way through the gate to passport check. There we saw a desperate American. He had not been able to find his passport when it was to be shown. This was Sunday afternoon, and he had been in passport check since Saturday evening. Without a passport, he was naturally not permitted to board the plane, and without a passport, they would not allow him to re-enter India.

We notified the American Embassy so that when it opened on Monday morning, they would see to it that he got a new passport; in the meantime, he simply had to remain in his tiny no man's land. (When he needed to go to the toilet, he was accompanied by an armed security guard.)

After witnessing this event, I always double check that I have my passport on me.

Sanity

I'm an atheist, thank God

Paper towels and recycling.

Lately we have been warned, not to use recycled paper in the kitchen, and not let it come in contact with meat. In this case, use only 100% pure fiber.

Then what about paper napkins and toilet paper made of recycled paper? What are the risks in skin contact from these products?

Norway celebrates May 17 – Dissolution of the union

Actually it is the Danes who should celebrate the time we finally gave them their freedom. Next will be June 7, when the Swedes can celebrate that they got away from our sovereignty.

Kids

Kids are like farts. Most people can only tolerate teir own.

Insanity

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Mahatma Gandhi.

A customer is the most important visitor on our premises.

He is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him.

He is not an interruption of our work. He is the purpose of it.

He is not an outsider to our business. He is part of it.

We are not doing him a favour by serving him.

He is doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so.

Mahatma Gandhi.

The Norwegian National Health Service

A friend from the United States asked me if it really doesn't cost anything to be sick in Norway, as many American TV networks maintain. Many Democrats point to Norway as the example of a perfect public health system. «Well, in theory that is correct», I replied. «In theory?» he asked, so I had to clarify.

One always gets help in Norway, even though one might not be able to afford treatment, and it is, generally speaking, a good system. A lot of things are excluded, however. If one has to get dental work done at a cost of fifty thousand Norwegian kroner (USD 10 000), it's your problem – there is no financial support for that from the government. Visits to the doctor are not free, either – the patient has to pay a fee for every visit, but for most people this never amounts to any more than a maximum of ten thousand kroner (USD 2 000) per year, regardless of the medical problem and regardless of whether one is chronically ill. If one can't afford even the patient fees, you will still be treated, and the system works well for many people. BUT, you get the quality that you pay for. There is always a queue to get needed help from Norwegian public hospitals; if you are diagnosed with cancer, you may have to wait in the queue for months to be operated on, and a breast reconstruction after surgery requires several years of waiting. Certain operations that could be performed immediately in a private hospital require many months of medical sick leave while the patient waits for treatment by a public hospital, and there have been cases of people becoming blind and even dying while they are waiting to be treated. There are also a lot of errors, mixups, deficiencies and cases of wrongful medication (undesirable occurrences, in governmental parlance). Personally, I have experienced being treated in both Norwegian and American hospitals, and there is a tremendous difference between the two in terms of treatment, quality assurance and the will to choose the best methods of treatment. The result is that people in Norway who can afford it often buy private health insurance, and companies that value the health of their employees pay for quick treatment.

«So you're saying that in Norway you have a health system that is differentiated by class, just like we have in the USA», he concluded. «Yes. After sixty years of social democracy in Norway, we have a dual health system, where those who can afford to purchase good private services do so, while those who are less well-off have to wait in the health queue», was my conclusion.

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I am not arguing; I am just explaining why I am right.

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